[ Oh. Hm. Is this really how Accelerator feels? Was he exaggerating to Jayce to cover for his teenage pride and vulnerabilities? Or is there just more to this story than Harold currently knows? As useful as those personnel files are that he'd copied from the hospital computer, they're woefully inadequate compared to his usual methods. ]
... I'm reluctant to pass judgment on a world not my own. [ That's absolutely the truth no matter what else Harold isn't saying. ] However horrible it is, the alternatives may be worse.
[ Jayce is naive, maybe, but his earnest desire to help does him credit. Harold appreciates that; he just thinks he might need an unfortunate hefty dose of cynicism to temper it. ]
[Poor Harold, didn't sign up for this impromptu therapy session.]
My world there's child labor. They work in mines, factories, they grow up poisoned by the fumes, if they... [voice crack] if they make it long enough to adulthood at all. I thought that was unfathomable.
[Even he realizes he's starting to get too emotional here. Okay Jayce, time to stop falling apart.]
[ Oh. That's also horrifying, and reinforces Harold's perception of him as someone from something like magical Victorian London. He feels similarly to Jayce, of course, but Jayce not even trying to hide his feelings makes Harold feel intensely old for a long moment. Intentions, sentiments... they just don't mean very much.
But he does sound gentler as he answers. ] It is unfathomable. We should never accept those circumstances, never abide cruelty. But we can't change it if we're refusing to see it for what it is.
[ Harold believes that profoundly. ]
I appreciate having someone else to be appalled with me, to be honest, [ he adds. The programming talk can wait. ]
Almost every horrible, appalling thing was committed by a person who thought they were doing good. Intentions matter so very little. If we want to do the most good -- real, pure good -- we can't get caught up in our own reactions.
Why on earth wouldn't it be? [ he asks in exasperation. As far as Harold's concerned, the universality of the human condition has yet to be disproven, even in Etraya. ]
There's no limit on the atrocities people can rationalize themselves into committing.
[Jayce sputters a little bit, like he doesn't believe he's having this conversation.]
If intent barely matters, then it doesn't matter if they think they're doing good! It's a fundamentally evil series of action. Every step along the way needed someone to keep agreeing to do worse things— their justification doesn't matter if the damage they cause outweighs any benefit they made!
[ Harold assumes he wasn't actually blaming Accelerator, or they'd be having a very different conversation about victim blaming. But it still isn't appropriate for an adult to take out their feelings on a teenager. ]
I don't disagree, [ he says in a calmer tone. ] What happens in Academy City is... [ a delicate pause, then, purposefully, ] vile.
I don't know what his reasons are, but I assume he has them. You might start there.
He did. "Leverage." "Surpass God." Everything he said sounded like either a slogan or propaganda. And if he believed differently, then I don't know why he lied to me about how he felt on it and just fed me the same crap everyone else in his world eats up.
[Which is why he feels like he has to convince Accelerator to change his own world.]
[ Harold is starting to get impatient despite himself. He can't believe Accelerator really cares about "surpassing god" but he can easily believe he might try to wind someone up if he felt attacked.
Curtly, ] Because he's fifteen and out to prove something. Do you recall being fifteen?
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... I'm reluctant to pass judgment on a world not my own. [ That's absolutely the truth no matter what else Harold isn't saying. ] However horrible it is, the alternatives may be worse.
[ Jayce is naive, maybe, but his earnest desire to help does him credit. Harold appreciates that; he just thinks he might need an unfortunate hefty dose of cynicism to temper it. ]
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[Poor Harold, didn't sign up for this impromptu therapy session.]
My world there's child labor. They work in mines, factories, they grow up poisoned by the fumes, if they... [voice crack] if they make it long enough to adulthood at all. I thought that was unfathomable.
[Even he realizes he's starting to get too emotional here. Okay Jayce, time to stop falling apart.]
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Sorry. This isn't what I came to talk to you about. Where was I... uh. Programming. Wanted to ask you about nanobots.
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But he does sound gentler as he answers. ] It is unfathomable. We should never accept those circumstances, never abide cruelty. But we can't change it if we're refusing to see it for what it is.
[ Harold believes that profoundly. ]
I appreciate having someone else to be appalled with me, to be honest, [ he adds. The programming talk can wait. ]
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[It's not impossible. He misses details all the time. It's always good to have a second set of eyes, ears, minds.]
A necessary evil? It has to happen that way?
[He scoffs.]
I don't believe that for a second.
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All these tragedies are the product of people. Normal people, trying their best, like you or I. There is no real villain to defeat.
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[The irony of this conversation, considering John's with Accelerator.]
Do you feel "horrified" and "appalled" at something good, too? Or do you think goodness doesn't exist?
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Almost every horrible, appalling thing was committed by a person who thought they were doing good. Intentions matter so very little. If we want to do the most good -- real, pure good -- we can't get caught up in our own reactions.
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[And mine.]
But that can't be the case for Ace's. There's no "I'm doing good" speech that can come out of child torture.
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There's no limit on the atrocities people can rationalize themselves into committing.
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If intent barely matters, then it doesn't matter if they think they're doing good! It's a fundamentally evil series of action. Every step along the way needed someone to keep agreeing to do worse things— their justification doesn't matter if the damage they cause outweighs any benefit they made!
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Because they are often mutually exclusive.
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[He shouldn't have lost his patience, sure. But his frustration wasn't with Accelerator, not really.]
If he could just see there's other ways to get what he wants...
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I don't disagree, [ he says in a calmer tone. ] What happens in Academy City is... [ a delicate pause, then, purposefully, ] vile.
I don't know what his reasons are, but I assume he has them. You might start there.
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[Which is why he feels like he has to convince Accelerator to change his own world.]
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Curtly, ] Because he's fifteen and out to prove something. Do you recall being fifteen?
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[He sighs, running an unseen hand over his face.]
I'll... try to talk to him again.
Wrapping up?
[ A momentary pause. ]
I do think your heart's in the right place. [ He smiles wryly to himself. ] Just remember he needs your support, not your judgment.
yess
[Unfortunately, Jayce then goes and proceeds to have an even worse conversation after this.]