[ In Harold's opinion, that is what tends to happen to people under immense duress and constant peril, Mr. Carver himself being one example. Changing their circumstances for the better also allows them to become better people. ]
I can't say I've ever particularly cared about being thanked, but point taken about the dangerousness. It isn't something to be undertaken lightly, of course. But if it's something you'd like to pursue, I will support you.
[ If John is here, why couldn't Matthew Shaw be? But that isn't a discussion to be undertaken lightly, either. And it means something to him that Carver doesn't react with incredulity or wariness, about what Harold would expect in return.
It seems like he just believes that he would. That's a remarkable indicator of progress, if so. ]
[ He's thankful, in the end, that Harold doesn't push. Just accepts the answer and moves on. The rest of the conversation is complicated enough as it is. ]
Okay I guess Had a bad night but he hasn't stabbed me yet
Substantially younger in mindset if not in years? That can happen, or vice-versa.
[ He's thinking of Accelerator, who demonstrates the opposite -- a tired old convict's mindset, but only fifteen years old. He's trying to put together what kind of relationship Carver has with Bossie. ]
You said you served as second, didn't you? So he sees you as higher on the hierarchy?
Some of the others needed more care, more structure. Bossie needed it more than most.
I give orders but I took a chance on him. Pope wasn't sure about him at first. He was real green. Got nervous around people.
But he survived. Lot of the other kids I trained didn't. I made him a good fighter. He just
He gets nervous.
[ Pope always hated that. Maybe it was always going to come to a head the moment Carver wasn't fast enough to get between them. He froze in front of the bonfire. He froze and what happened next was his fault. ]
You tried remarkably hard to save him, didn't you?
[ It's not vindicating, not satisfying, to realize Carver is more like John than he'd care to admit, showing mercy where his superiors expect him to demonstrate callousness. It just makes him sad to see that this is true once again, in another place and another time with another person.
And it firms his resolve to summarily deal with Pope should he ever arrive. Perhaps he'll make a specific plan for just that possibility... ]
I hope it goes without saying, but in case it needs to be said, you needn't do it alone.
[ Harold feels like some things need to be made explicit. If he's learned nothing else from watching so many loved ones die, it's the regret of leaving things unsaid. ]
[ Harold really isn't used to being thanked directly, much less so effusively. He tries to hide as much as possible from the consequences of his own actions, maybe especially when they're positive. It takes an awkwardly long stretch of time for him to reply. He doesn't want to -- can't, won't -- ask for anything in return. So what does he say? ]
I don't need anything from you that you haven't already given. Please focus on your brother.
[ It's probably best they aren't doing this in person. Displays of large emotion are a sin, most of the time. Only anger and love are ever forgiven and anger must be directed while love must be measured, neither of which Carver feels right now.
Nonetheless. He doesn't really know what he's supposed to say to something like that. He has no experience with it. No frame of reference for an acceptable answer. ]
Okay
[ Thank you, he means, for not making him beg for it. ]
[ Meanwhile, Harold would never expect or demand someone demonstrate their emotions to him, and he wouldn't judge them for it if they did. He doesn't know what's behind this single word but he also doesn't press. ]
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I can't say I've ever particularly cared about being thanked, but point taken about the dangerousness. It isn't something to be undertaken lightly, of course. But if it's something you'd like to pursue, I will support you.
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Maybe it's because a world that doesn't have Matthew Shaw in it is a world Carver doesn't want to save.
Maybe. ]
I don't know if that's something I should answer.
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[ If John is here, why couldn't Matthew Shaw be? But that isn't a discussion to be undertaken lightly, either. And it means something to him that Carver doesn't react with incredulity or wariness, about what Harold would expect in return.
It seems like he just believes that he would. That's a remarkable indicator of progress, if so. ]
How is your brother doing with the adjustment?
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Okay I guess
Had a bad night but he hasn't stabbed me yet
[ This both is and is not a joke. ]
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I know more than one healer if need be. Please don't suffer in silence if you do stab one another.
You called him a kid -- how old is he?
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[ Genuinely. Sometimes they startle bad. It wouldn't be the first time a Reaper's done injury to a brother without meaning to. ]
Couple years younger than me. It felt like more when we were in Afghanistan. He's the baby of the company. Youngest we ever recruited.
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[ He's thinking of Accelerator, who demonstrates the opposite -- a tired old convict's mindset, but only fifteen years old. He's trying to put together what kind of relationship Carver has with Bossie. ]
You said you served as second, didn't you? So he sees you as higher on the hierarchy?
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[ There's an uneasy pause. ]
Brittle. Sometimes. We looked after him.
Some of the others needed more care, more structure. Bossie needed it more than most.
I give orders but I took a chance on him. Pope wasn't sure about him at first. He was real green. Got nervous around people.
But he survived. Lot of the other kids I trained didn't. I made him a good fighter. He just
He gets nervous.
[ Pope always hated that. Maybe it was always going to come to a head the moment Carver wasn't fast enough to get between them. He froze in front of the bonfire. He froze and what happened next was his fault. ]
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[ It's not vindicating, not satisfying, to realize Carver is more like John than he'd care to admit, showing mercy where his superiors expect him to demonstrate callousness. It just makes him sad to see that this is true once again, in another place and another time with another person.
And it firms his resolve to summarily deal with Pope should he ever arrive. Perhaps he'll make a specific plan for just that possibility... ]
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[ This haunts him. He tried so hard not to think about it for months but he's had dreams about Bossie screaming. Awful goddamn dreams. ]
I froze
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Oh, Brandon. That doesn't mean you didn't try.
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[ All of them did. Even Leah. They stood there and they didn’t say a word while Bossie died. ]
It won’t be like that here. I’ll do better
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[ Harold feels like some things need to be made explicit. If he's learned nothing else from watching so many loved ones die, it's the regret of leaving things unsaid. ]
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[ He sits with that. He tries to accept it. ]
Bossie's my responsibility. I want him to be okay.
I just don't know how to do that part.
[ Make things okay. ]
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[ He thinks, inexorably and painfully, of Grace. ]
But we can keep him safe.
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I won't.
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I don't need anything from you that you haven't already given. Please focus on your brother.
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Nonetheless. He doesn't really know what he's supposed to say to something like that. He has no experience with it. No frame of reference for an acceptable answer. ]
Okay
[ Thank you, he means, for not making him beg for it. ]
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Let me know if you need anything.
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