[ Harold dresses clean and sharp... but is also an immense sap. Half of the scarf might be more roughly made, but it's hardly an eyesore. He will absolutely wear it, maybe particularly while out bird watching, since they both enjoy that hobby and he'll like forming the association. ]
You both consistently say the same things to me about one another, [ Harold comments, partly amused and partly long-suffering. He turns back to Bossie, idly pondering what he could give him in return impromptu. The tradition he'd started last year of giving out library books is possibly appropriate.
Before they get to that, though -- ] May I ask what might be an overly intrusive personal question?
[ Typical of Harold, he actually stops to wait for Bossie's answer. ]
[It doesn't surprise him that Carver is, apparently, more concerned about Bossie than about himself. That's how they were taught to love each other, and the other Reapers.]
[ Harold has mixed, complicated feelings about their use of sir on him, and its absence here is appreciated. When and how to relinquish hierarchical deference is exactly what he'd been talking to Carver about, and wanted to bring up here.
He's fairly sure he already knows the answer to his question, but the matter is too important and too fragile to treat indelicately. ]
I realize that Mr. Carver is your superior within your group, [ he starts, somewhat euphemistically, ] but I also suspect you're genuine friends outside of that. Would you be comfortable with a... shall we say, occasional relaxing of duties and ascribed roles?
[it's a big ask. It makes Bossie fidget, then realize what he's doing and straighten up to attention. And then he makes himself settle because it's Harold here and not Pope. Harold won't yell at him for being uneasy.]
Hard for me to imagine, [ Harold admits, just as gently. He declines to point out that he realizes this means Bossie lied his way into military service, underage. ]
I've really nothing to compare that to. But I do know that I can feel responsible for your well-being and simultaneously care about you as a person. Perhaps the two of us could practice. A lower stakes attempt, as it were?
[ So long as he doesn't turn it into hitting on him again, he doesn't mind. Harold has to assume Carver's emotional significance to Bossie is immense and vastly outweighs his own, whatever lingering power dynamics they've ascribed to him as leftover from their cultish behavior modification. Therefore, anything with him should seem less risky. ]
The thing is, Harold is a 'sir', too. But that's only because Carver said he was. Bossie likes Harold but the man hasn't proved himself to Bossie the way Leah and Pope and Carver have.]
[ He smiles a bit, letting it be lop-sided and unpolished, trying to find a way to break some of the tension. ]
I'm sure I don't know. I'm awful at respecting authority in the first place. [ Thoughtfully: ] How many literally convicted traitors do you know?
[ Because Harold might imagine he is the only one. He isn't saying it directly, but he's well aware what his question implies. That used to be more secret information than it has any need to be now, and he's starting to get used to this freewheeling carelessness that comes with what feels like a life after death. Even if that death wasn't his. ]
[It works. Harold says he doesn't know and Bossie laughs softly, at himself, for thinking Harold must have it all figured out. But he's only human, isn't he?]
...Convicted traitors?
[An image in his mind of a man tied to a tree and burned alive. Left there, a sign over his head: Judas.]
[ Harold meant convicted through due process by the government, so he doesn't imagine the associations Bossie is making. ]
There you have it. I'm the perfect individual to practice on, then. I really didn't envision myself taking on any such role in the first place.
[ That's absolutely true. He and his team members respect one another's areas of expertise and pretty fluidly defer to one another in various matters. It just happens to be the case that Harold usually occupies the role of having the most information, so they defer to him often, but that's practicality and not authority. ]
[ There's a momentary pause as Harold decides whether or not he's going to answer. But there's really no reason not to, is there? Not anymore. ]
As a reckless and indiscreet young man, I hacked into the Department of Defense looking for evidence of American intervention in foreign conflicts that expressly supported the installment or entrenchment of vile dictatorships, [ Harold answers with a subtly quieter note to his voice. ] And I found it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yeah I'm doing better. I still have bad nights but it's not every night. Gotta get Carver doing better now.
no subject
You both consistently say the same things to me about one another, [ Harold comments, partly amused and partly long-suffering. He turns back to Bossie, idly pondering what he could give him in return impromptu. The tradition he'd started last year of giving out library books is possibly appropriate.
Before they get to that, though -- ] May I ask what might be an overly intrusive personal question?
[ Typical of Harold, he actually stops to wait for Bossie's answer. ]
no subject
Uh, sure? Yeah. I'll answer whatever.
[He bites back a 'sir'.]
no subject
He's fairly sure he already knows the answer to his question, but the matter is too important and too fragile to treat indelicately. ]
I realize that Mr. Carver is your superior within your group, [ he starts, somewhat euphemistically, ] but I also suspect you're genuine friends outside of that. Would you be comfortable with a... shall we say, occasional relaxing of duties and ascribed roles?
no subject
I don't...know how to do that.
no subject
It's all right if you don't. But would you be interested in pursuing it if you could?
no subject
I think so. Yeah. I just don't...know how I'd even do that. You know he trained me fresh out of boot camp? I was seventeen. He's always been a 'sir'.
no subject
I've really nothing to compare that to. But I do know that I can feel responsible for your well-being and simultaneously care about you as a person. Perhaps the two of us could practice. A lower stakes attempt, as it were?
[ So long as he doesn't turn it into hitting on him again, he doesn't mind. Harold has to assume Carver's emotional significance to Bossie is immense and vastly outweighs his own, whatever lingering power dynamics they've ascribed to him as leftover from their cultish behavior modification. Therefore, anything with him should seem less risky. ]
no subject
The thing is, Harold is a 'sir', too. But that's only because Carver said he was. Bossie likes Harold but the man hasn't proved himself to Bossie the way Leah and Pope and Carver have.]
Okay. Yeah. We can try that. What do I do?
no subject
I'm sure I don't know. I'm awful at respecting authority in the first place. [ Thoughtfully: ] How many literally convicted traitors do you know?
[ Because Harold might imagine he is the only one. He isn't saying it directly, but he's well aware what his question implies. That used to be more secret information than it has any need to be now, and he's starting to get used to this freewheeling carelessness that comes with what feels like a life after death. Even if that death wasn't his. ]
no subject
...Convicted traitors?
[An image in his mind of a man tied to a tree and burned alive. Left there, a sign over his head: Judas.]
None. Actually.
no subject
There you have it. I'm the perfect individual to practice on, then. I really didn't envision myself taking on any such role in the first place.
[ That's absolutely true. He and his team members respect one another's areas of expertise and pretty fluidly defer to one another in various matters. It just happens to be the case that Harold usually occupies the role of having the most information, so they defer to him often, but that's practicality and not authority. ]
no subject
What'd you do that made you a traitor?
no subject
As a reckless and indiscreet young man, I hacked into the Department of Defense looking for evidence of American intervention in foreign conflicts that expressly supported the installment or entrenchment of vile dictatorships, [ Harold answers with a subtly quieter note to his voice. ] And I found it.
But I was caught doing it.
[ And it made him lose everything. ]