[ Well, he should have expected to get turned down. He did, in fact, expect to get turned down. He at least gets a little more information about Harold in exchange. ]
Do you work with computers? I don't know much about them.
[ He's had dreams of talking to a computer. Before he didn't know what to make of them, he has absolutely nothing to do with computers, he frankly isn't all that good with technology, but now he thinks they're Harold's dreams. But John realizes immediately that he won't get a substantial reply just from that so he quickly sends a follow up text. ]
Sometimes I have dreams about talking to a computer.
[ This confirms for Harold that John is his soulmate, beyond a shadow of a doubt. A statistically high probability isn't the same thing as total certainty, and he hadn't realized how different it would feel to have that, to go from a hypothetical soulmate he watches from a distance to a real, live, confirmed one that is texting him. Saying he has dreams about talking to a computer.
Harold's heart swells with emotion, a complex kind of pain layered with joy. He can't tell him about the Machine, of course not, but he can say something-- ]
Yes. I'm devising a program that can take voice commands and respond appropriately. So you could, for instance, ask for directions out loud and have them read off to you verbally.
Would you let me send you a new phone so we can speak more securely?
[ That would be wise if this conversation is going to continue, and abruptly Harold feels like it must. Like he no longer has an option of retreating into his hideaway and pretending he doesn't exist. ]
[ That would explain why Harold has dreams about talking to a computer. He thinks that might not be all of it, not the whole story, but it's hard to piece dreams together into something more cohesive. It feels like to him there is just one computer, a special one. He doesn't know why. Dream logic, maybe.
Still, it's nice that Harold is invested in talking with him enough to send him a special phone. John doesn't doubt it will be special, given that Harold seems to be good with technology and has "considerable resources". ]
[ It gives him a pang of guilt to lie to his soulmate, but Harold is all too aware of how necessary it is for his protection. The Machine is such a huge part of his life for him to cut off from him, but at the same time, it's nice to have a respite, some piece that isn't fully consumed by the Machine. ]
No, it's all right, let's just be careful. You don't mind that I've been watching over you?
[ That's a euphemistic way to put it, but Harold is still afraid of rejection, completely amazed that John seems to be accepting his intrusions without fanfare. ]
[ Does he mind? It's a little creepy, he can't lie, but at the same time... Harold has been very distant. John thinks he never would have known if not for the CIA. He thinks about the job offers that came his way. Were they Harold's way of trying to protect him? He thinks so.
This reply is a bit slower than some of his other ones, but it arrives all the same. ]
It's a little weird. I don't like that I don't know anything about you but you know a lot about me. But I don't regret you sending me these messages.
[ This feels honest; aware of the transgression and not excusing it, but allowing it. Harold is relieved. It would be natural to respond with an offer to fill in those gaps, but he... he can't. Or rather, he won't.
He can, though, offer an explanation. ]
I know. I tried not to contact you because I know there isn't much I can offer. But I couldn't stand to see you taken advantage of that way.
[ That's... nice. John is frankly a little surprised there's anyone out there who cares for him that much, not since his mother died, not since he left Jessica. He supposes Harold must not think of him as a stranger, the way he thinks of Harold. ]
[ This open plaintive question feels like it makes his heart spasm. That's a biological impossibility, but nonetheless Harold desperately wants to share something. A few messages come through in succession with pauses in between them. ]
I like eating ice cream no matter how cold out it is.
I would find it extremely pleasing to buy you clothes.
I always knew I had a soulmate. I could feel it. I spent many years looking for you, John.
[ John is typing out something in reply to the first message when a second one comes through that makes him pause, and then a third one. After the fourth he waits for a little while and when no more come through he deletes what he already had written and replies to them all at once. ]
You can call me John. What kind of clothes? What kind of ice cream?
[ It's a bit of a relief to have something more he knows about Harold. He expected to be turned down and wasn't convinced Harold wanted to actually talk to him at all, so having a succession of messages with real content is... relieving. He feels a little less alone. ]
[ That was so embarrassing of him. Harold stares down at his previous messages in mortification and then John's measured response. Maybe he should keep himself to answering what's asked and no more. ]
Ideally I'd like to buy you suits but I'd need your measurements taken professionally to do it justice. I can restrain myself to clothes you might actually wear.
[ This is possibly the most personal thing he's ever told someone. This is not better. He's cringing at his own words, so he finishes with a succinct: ]
[ Suits? Is Harold a suits guy? John has worn some suits in his time, but just the cheapish stuff you can get that doesn't fit very well, especially not someone who works out the way he does. He takes his fitness seriously. But he thinks Harold is talking about expensive suits. He starts typing and deleting this next message multiple times before staring at his phone for too long and eventually settles on: ]
Not sure where I'd wear a suit. I like mint chip.
[ Where would he wear a suit? It's not like he has a job that requires one anymore. What is he going to do now? ]
[ Where do you wear a suit? As far as Harold's concerned, everywhere.
He immediately wants to plan an extravagant outing for John as an excuse to buy him and then see him in a suit, which is an unwise impulse all around. Speaking on it with no intention of follow-through would be cruel. Doesn't mean he can't daydream, though... ]
Not planning to interview for any of the offers that came in?
[ Harold does want to know how he did on those. He really did put considerable time and thought into it. ]
[ Is he? He supposes he probably should take a more careful look at those. He hasn't really had a job interview in ages, do you wear suits to those? The jobs he had before the Army were just simple things that didn't require something so nice as a suit, and anything since has just been in his uniform. He was going to buy one for the CIA, but didn't quite get that far in the end. ]
I have to look at them again. Do you have any recommendations? I don't think I could do an office job.
[ If Harold knows so much then it's worth at least asking his opinion. ]
[ He's asking him for recommendations? Harold is caught off-guard a little. Somehow however welcoming John has been to his attentions, he didn't think he'd trust his judgment that far. It is true, though, that he did considerable research on how to help veterans return to civilian life, and he knows quite a lot about John. To the point that he thinks what John needs is not more exposure to violence. ]
I think you should do something entirely different. Would it be too forward of me to propose I set up an account for your living expenses and you pick a culinary school you'd like to attend?
[ John has to pause at that. He's not against the idea of going to a culinary school, it's an idea he already thought was worth considering, but Harold paying for it? For everything? He can't accept that kind of money. ]
I can get tuition from the GI bill and work part time.
[ That's probably going to be too much but John can't imagine sitting around and having free time. What would he even do? There's always been something to do and now he's just... now he's texting with his soulmate about what kind of ice cream he likes and not asking about how the hell he was able to acquire confidential CIA files. ]
[ Harold is feeling his inexperience with serious relationships keenly right about now. Although just thinking that makes him realize he shouldn't be making any assumptions, especially if he doesn't intend to meet up with John in person. ]
I will respect whatever kind of relationship you want us to have.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Do you work with computers? I don't know much about them.
[ He's had dreams of talking to a computer. Before he didn't know what to make of them, he has absolutely nothing to do with computers, he frankly isn't all that good with technology, but now he thinks they're Harold's dreams. But John realizes immediately that he won't get a substantial reply just from that so he quickly sends a follow up text. ]
Sometimes I have dreams about talking to a computer.
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Harold's heart swells with emotion, a complex kind of pain layered with joy. He can't tell him about the Machine, of course not, but he can say something-- ]
Yes. I'm devising a program that can take voice commands and respond appropriately. So you could, for instance, ask for directions out loud and have them read off to you verbally.
Would you let me send you a new phone so we can speak more securely?
[ That would be wise if this conversation is going to continue, and abruptly Harold feels like it must. Like he no longer has an option of retreating into his hideaway and pretending he doesn't exist. ]
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Still, it's nice that Harold is invested in talking with him enough to send him a special phone. John doesn't doubt it will be special, given that Harold seems to be good with technology and has "considerable resources". ]
Sure. Should I stop talking to you now?
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No, it's all right, let's just be careful. You don't mind that I've been watching over you?
[ That's a euphemistic way to put it, but Harold is still afraid of rejection, completely amazed that John seems to be accepting his intrusions without fanfare. ]
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This reply is a bit slower than some of his other ones, but it arrives all the same. ]
It's a little weird. I don't like that I don't know anything about you but you know a lot about me. But I don't regret you sending me these messages.
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He can, though, offer an explanation. ]
I know. I tried not to contact you because I know there isn't much I can offer. But I couldn't stand to see you taken advantage of that way.
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Thanks. Is there anything I can know about you?
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I like eating ice cream no matter how cold out it is.
I would find it extremely pleasing to buy you clothes.
I always knew I had a soulmate. I could feel it. I spent many years looking for you, John.
I'm sorry. May I call you John?
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You can call me John. What kind of clothes? What kind of ice cream?
[ It's a bit of a relief to have something more he knows about Harold. He expected to be turned down and wasn't convinced Harold wanted to actually talk to him at all, so having a succession of messages with real content is... relieving. He feels a little less alone. ]
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Ideally I'd like to buy you suits but I'd need your measurements taken professionally to do it justice. I can restrain myself to clothes you might actually wear.
[ This is possibly the most personal thing he's ever told someone. This is not better. He's cringing at his own words, so he finishes with a succinct: ]
Vanilla soft serve.
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Not sure where I'd wear a suit. I like mint chip.
[ Where would he wear a suit? It's not like he has a job that requires one anymore. What is he going to do now? ]
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He immediately wants to plan an extravagant outing for John as an excuse to buy him and then see him in a suit, which is an unwise impulse all around. Speaking on it with no intention of follow-through would be cruel. Doesn't mean he can't daydream, though... ]
Not planning to interview for any of the offers that came in?
[ Harold does want to know how he did on those. He really did put considerable time and thought into it. ]
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I have to look at them again. Do you have any recommendations? I don't think I could do an office job.
[ If Harold knows so much then it's worth at least asking his opinion. ]
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I think you should do something entirely different. Would it be too forward of me to propose I set up an account for your living expenses and you pick a culinary school you'd like to attend?
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I can get tuition from the GI bill and work part time.
[ That's probably going to be too much but John can't imagine sitting around and having free time. What would he even do? There's always been something to do and now he's just... now he's texting with his soulmate about what kind of ice cream he likes and not asking about how the hell he was able to acquire confidential CIA files. ]
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[ Harold is feeling his inexperience with serious relationships keenly right about now. Although just thinking that makes him realize he shouldn't be making any assumptions, especially if he doesn't intend to meet up with John in person. ]
I will respect whatever kind of relationship you want us to have.
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I don't know. I'd need to know you better. I'd like to know you better.
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What do you want to talk about?
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To be honest, I haven't the slightest idea. I really don't socialize much. Perhaps I could send you a book with the phone, and we could discuss that?
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I'll read it. Why don't you socialize much?
[ Maybe eventually he'll find a question Harold is willing to answer. ]
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Why don't you?
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Don't you already know?
[ He thinks Harold does know and is being difficult on purpose. After all, he knows that John doesn't socialize in the first place. ]
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[ Now he's going to put far too much thought into it. As for the latter... ]
I'm neither a mind-reader nor a presumptive psychologist. I'd rather ask.
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I'll answer if you do first.
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