[ Harold understands immediately, truthfully is a little relieved to find a like-minded audience to vent with. He won't share anything he knows about Accelerator that Jayce doesn't know already, but even within that framework there's plenty to say. ]
It's utterly horrifying, [ he says plainly, tone sober. ] It bothers me immensely that he uses his ability as his name.
[ It feels like just another layer of dehumanization, except one Harold is forced to be complicit in because Accelerator has rejected picking a regular name. ]
[Which is actually something he didn't know! But probably the least offensive thing to reveal about Accelerator.]
I had been calling him Ace, until I lost my patience with him.
[Then he pulled out the full name. He didn't think much of it, considering how insistent Accelerator was on using that name. Now it feels disgusting to even say it.]
We can't change his world. I know that. But he can, can't he? If we could get through to him?
[ Ace is actually quite a good nickname. Unfortunately Harold does not use nicknames, but he might pass it on to John. ]
What is it you think he needs to be convinced of?
[ He's being cautious about what he reveals until he knows how much Jayce already knows. But privately Harold thinks Accelerator is already bought in that his world is deeply damaged and needs changing, and is trying to do it. He's some sort of Italian city-state dictator purely for that reason. ]
He acts like the way things are is the only option. How they need to "leverage" Academy City's position on a global scale, and keep throwing kids into the grinder just for the sake of research, so they can surpass humanity. Who... who even thinks of this sort of thing?
[If Jayce is coming across as naive, well. Harold wouldn't be the first to think it.]
[ Oh. Hm. Is this really how Accelerator feels? Was he exaggerating to Jayce to cover for his teenage pride and vulnerabilities? Or is there just more to this story than Harold currently knows? As useful as those personnel files are that he'd copied from the hospital computer, they're woefully inadequate compared to his usual methods. ]
... I'm reluctant to pass judgment on a world not my own. [ That's absolutely the truth no matter what else Harold isn't saying. ] However horrible it is, the alternatives may be worse.
[ Jayce is naive, maybe, but his earnest desire to help does him credit. Harold appreciates that; he just thinks he might need an unfortunate hefty dose of cynicism to temper it. ]
[Poor Harold, didn't sign up for this impromptu therapy session.]
My world there's child labor. They work in mines, factories, they grow up poisoned by the fumes, if they... [voice crack] if they make it long enough to adulthood at all. I thought that was unfathomable.
[Even he realizes he's starting to get too emotional here. Okay Jayce, time to stop falling apart.]
[ Oh. That's also horrifying, and reinforces Harold's perception of him as someone from something like magical Victorian London. He feels similarly to Jayce, of course, but Jayce not even trying to hide his feelings makes Harold feel intensely old for a long moment. Intentions, sentiments... they just don't mean very much.
But he does sound gentler as he answers. ] It is unfathomable. We should never accept those circumstances, never abide cruelty. But we can't change it if we're refusing to see it for what it is.
[ Harold believes that profoundly. ]
I appreciate having someone else to be appalled with me, to be honest, [ he adds. The programming talk can wait. ]
Almost every horrible, appalling thing was committed by a person who thought they were doing good. Intentions matter so very little. If we want to do the most good -- real, pure good -- we can't get caught up in our own reactions.
Why on earth wouldn't it be? [ he asks in exasperation. As far as Harold's concerned, the universality of the human condition has yet to be disproven, even in Etraya. ]
There's no limit on the atrocities people can rationalize themselves into committing.
[Jayce sputters a little bit, like he doesn't believe he's having this conversation.]
If intent barely matters, then it doesn't matter if they think they're doing good! It's a fundamentally evil series of action. Every step along the way needed someone to keep agreeing to do worse things— their justification doesn't matter if the damage they cause outweighs any benefit they made!
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I've been reading about artificial intelligence. Some programming books too. And...
[He sighs, and groans and then restarts.]
No. I need to ask you something else first— about Accelerator. How much do you know about him? His world?
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[ They're very close by Harold's standards and he also has a copy of his file, but Harold is, of course, intentionally downplaying it. ]
What is it? Please stop drawing it out.
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[ There's a tone of deep disgust to the word. ]
I don't see what we can do about it.
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[He just needs a reality check. Sorry it became you, Guy-Who-Seems-Most-Like-A-Professor-To-Him.]
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[ Harold understands immediately, truthfully is a little relieved to find a like-minded audience to vent with. He won't share anything he knows about Accelerator that Jayce doesn't know already, but even within that framework there's plenty to say. ]
It's utterly horrifying, [ he says plainly, tone sober. ] It bothers me immensely that he uses his ability as his name.
[ It feels like just another layer of dehumanization, except one Harold is forced to be complicit in because Accelerator has rejected picking a regular name. ]
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I had been calling him Ace, until I lost my patience with him.
[Then he pulled out the full name. He didn't think much of it, considering how insistent Accelerator was on using that name. Now it feels disgusting to even say it.]
We can't change his world. I know that. But he can, can't he? If we could get through to him?
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What is it you think he needs to be convinced of?
[ He's being cautious about what he reveals until he knows how much Jayce already knows. But privately Harold thinks Accelerator is already bought in that his world is deeply damaged and needs changing, and is trying to do it. He's some sort of Italian city-state dictator purely for that reason. ]
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[If Jayce is coming across as naive, well. Harold wouldn't be the first to think it.]
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... I'm reluctant to pass judgment on a world not my own. [ That's absolutely the truth no matter what else Harold isn't saying. ] However horrible it is, the alternatives may be worse.
[ Jayce is naive, maybe, but his earnest desire to help does him credit. Harold appreciates that; he just thinks he might need an unfortunate hefty dose of cynicism to temper it. ]
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[Poor Harold, didn't sign up for this impromptu therapy session.]
My world there's child labor. They work in mines, factories, they grow up poisoned by the fumes, if they... [voice crack] if they make it long enough to adulthood at all. I thought that was unfathomable.
[Even he realizes he's starting to get too emotional here. Okay Jayce, time to stop falling apart.]
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Sorry. This isn't what I came to talk to you about. Where was I... uh. Programming. Wanted to ask you about nanobots.
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But he does sound gentler as he answers. ] It is unfathomable. We should never accept those circumstances, never abide cruelty. But we can't change it if we're refusing to see it for what it is.
[ Harold believes that profoundly. ]
I appreciate having someone else to be appalled with me, to be honest, [ he adds. The programming talk can wait. ]
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[It's not impossible. He misses details all the time. It's always good to have a second set of eyes, ears, minds.]
A necessary evil? It has to happen that way?
[He scoffs.]
I don't believe that for a second.
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All these tragedies are the product of people. Normal people, trying their best, like you or I. There is no real villain to defeat.
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[The irony of this conversation, considering John's with Accelerator.]
Do you feel "horrified" and "appalled" at something good, too? Or do you think goodness doesn't exist?
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Almost every horrible, appalling thing was committed by a person who thought they were doing good. Intentions matter so very little. If we want to do the most good -- real, pure good -- we can't get caught up in our own reactions.
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[And mine.]
But that can't be the case for Ace's. There's no "I'm doing good" speech that can come out of child torture.
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There's no limit on the atrocities people can rationalize themselves into committing.
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If intent barely matters, then it doesn't matter if they think they're doing good! It's a fundamentally evil series of action. Every step along the way needed someone to keep agreeing to do worse things— their justification doesn't matter if the damage they cause outweighs any benefit they made!
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Because they are often mutually exclusive.
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[He shouldn't have lost his patience, sure. But his frustration wasn't with Accelerator, not really.]
If he could just see there's other ways to get what he wants...
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Wrapping up?
yess