I don't know. I haven't had classmates for years, and there's barely anyone in my life I'd consider a friend.
[Barely, because he's at a point in his life where he can't just say 'zero.' At the very least, Last Order would get mad at him.]
There are the remaining clones. I care about what they think, and since they've been getting a chance to grow individually they should start having their own opinions on things. There's you and Reese, too, I guess.
[There. It isn't much of a list, but it's better than nothing. There aren't many adults in Etraya he gives a shit about, most of the kids around his age he's met here have left, and outside of the clones and Last Order the number of kids he's on good terms with back home he could list on one hand (it's likely only that Level 0, and everything around him is complicated).]
As heartwarming as it is to hear that you consider us friends, I'm glad there's others apart from two old paranoids on the list.
And that you can be close with the remaining clones, as you put it. (Do they have another collective term? I dislike identifying them by their genetic origin.) I would've expected you to have a fraught relationship with them, so I'm pleasantly surprised.
Well, I don't exactly have a lot in common with other kids my age.
You can use 'Sisters' instead. I don't know if they have a preference at this point. [Some of them may be developing one, in which case, good for them.]
I don't know if I can call it 'forgiveness,' but they appreciate that I've been helping them and the brat out. We're on good terms, which is a hell of a lot more than I deserve, so I don't want to squander their good will.
May I challenge that assumption? I'd like to argue that the experiences may be different, but that doesn't prevent anyone from empathizing with one another. I grant it's a skill that comes with practice, and younger individuals may be less accustomed to it.
That's much better, thank you. Perhaps you should think of your Sisters as a role model for your own behavior. As we were just discussing, forgiveness is an act, and it's not about deserving. I would not presume to state that their tolerance of you indicates you deserve forgiveness for your actions on a conceptual basis. But I would say that by actions alone, one can find a way to move on.
[ He can infer that Accelerator wouldn't identify them as his sisters and is intentionally labeling them as such. ]
You might be onto something. [That's only half-sarcastic!] It's not like I've had a lot of chances in my life to empathize with other people.
[There's a beat as he processes what Harold has sent him. He doesn't miss how he refers to the clones as his sisters, and he isn't sure how to feel about that. He isn't sure how they would feel about that. Last Order, at the very least, would love it... maybe her feelings would inadvertently spread via the Network and the rest (excluding Worst) would be alright with it. He doesn't want to presume.
Either way, it's a fact that he's protective of them. After what he put them through he refuses to let them suffer unnecessarily ever again. Should he also consider them role models? Does he have any right to? Would they consider it overstepping, or would they see it as another step in his path towards atoning for his part in the experiment? Is he overthinking this?]
Assuming I should move on. I want them to be able to do that, but I don't know if it's a possibility for me. It's not like I'll ever be leaving prison once I go back home.
I assure you that you're moving on in one way or another, whether or not you think you are. Time passes with or without you. Things change, you change, in prison or outside of it.
Your only real choice is whether you want to control which direction you move in.
[This is Harold, so Accelerator trusts that he both knows what he's talking about and is being completely sincere. Because of that, he feels comfortable asking a personal question.]
You ever have a hard time with that? Choosing what direction to go?
[That's reasonable. Maybe it was naive for him to ask that question. Harold is just a person, of course he's going to make the wrong choice sometimes.]
Then you won't get pissed off when I make the wrong choice?
[It seems like an inevitability, and he doubts Harold would based on the things he's told him in the past... but he still wants to ask, anyways.]
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Okay, I will.
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[Barely, because he's at a point in his life where he can't just say 'zero.' At the very least, Last Order would get mad at him.]
There are the remaining clones. I care about what they think, and since they've been getting a chance to grow individually they should start having their own opinions on things. There's you and Reese, too, I guess.
[There. It isn't much of a list, but it's better than nothing. There aren't many adults in Etraya he gives a shit about, most of the kids around his age he's met here have left, and outside of the clones and Last Order the number of kids he's on good terms with back home he could list on one hand (it's likely only that Level 0, and everything around him is complicated).]
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And that you can be close with the remaining clones, as you put it. (Do they have another collective term? I dislike identifying them by their genetic origin.) I would've expected you to have a fraught relationship with them, so I'm pleasantly surprised.
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You can use 'Sisters' instead. I don't know if they have a preference at this point. [Some of them may be developing one, in which case, good for them.]
I don't know if I can call it 'forgiveness,' but they appreciate that I've been helping them and the brat out. We're on good terms, which is a hell of a lot more than I deserve, so I don't want to squander their good will.
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That's much better, thank you. Perhaps you should think of your Sisters as a role model for your own behavior. As we were just discussing, forgiveness is an act, and it's not about deserving. I would not presume to state that their tolerance of you indicates you deserve forgiveness for your actions on a conceptual basis. But I would say that by actions alone, one can find a way to move on.
[ He can infer that Accelerator wouldn't identify them as his sisters and is intentionally labeling them as such. ]
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[There's a beat as he processes what Harold has sent him. He doesn't miss how he refers to the clones as his sisters, and he isn't sure how to feel about that. He isn't sure how they would feel about that. Last Order, at the very least, would love it... maybe her feelings would inadvertently spread via the Network and the rest (excluding Worst) would be alright with it. He doesn't want to presume.
Either way, it's a fact that he's protective of them. After what he put them through he refuses to let them suffer unnecessarily ever again. Should he also consider them role models? Does he have any right to? Would they consider it overstepping, or would they see it as another step in his path towards atoning for his part in the experiment? Is he overthinking this?]
Assuming I should move on. I want them to be able to do that, but I don't know if it's a possibility for me. It's not like I'll ever be leaving prison once I go back home.
[More like he doesn't want to be able to.]
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Your only real choice is whether you want to control which direction you move in.
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You ever have a hard time with that? Choosing what direction to go?
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[ His particular character flaw has always been trying to hide from hard things. ]
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I don't wish to give the impression that I have it all figured out, that I succeed or make the right choices every time.
There is good and bad in everyone. But we do the best we can.
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[That's reasonable. Maybe it was naive for him to ask that question. Harold is just a person, of course he's going to make the wrong choice sometimes.]
Then you won't get pissed off when I make the wrong choice?
[It seems like an inevitability, and he doubts Harold would based on the things he's told him in the past... but he still wants to ask, anyways.]
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[Which is saying something, since he doesn't particularly like extending that much patience to adults these days.]
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Um, thanks.
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