Believe me, I'm not passing moral judgment. But I don't want to become the person I would need to be in order to be capable of that. Myself, personally.
[ He wants to say he didn't make anyone a promise of protection, that none of them are his people, but it runs hard up against the insurmountable wave of Harold's care and loyalty toward those who choose to trust him. He knows he would not ever abandon them, he knows if he were faced with this kind of choice it would be a very hard decision indeed. Yet at the same time, he's hard-pressed to explain to an outsider the kind of suicide crusade Team Machine is on, to do something good before they die but always, always, be expecting that death. It doesn't feel like such a betrayal in that light.
Instead he finds he can only state what is true. ]
Yes. That does haunt me.
It's selfish of me, but I will not be stabbing you, or shooting you, as I will not be stabbing or shooting Mr. Reese or Ms. Shaw. At all.
It's not a fucking person. It's just hungry and rotting and I've done some evil shit in my time but I don't actually want a plague on my soul. You get that?
Because you're assuming there'll be time to get somebody else in. If I'm down, maybe it takes hours before I'm up and rotting. Or maybe it's three minutes. You don't know. Nobody fucking knows.
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[ A statement Harold doesn't make lightly. ]
That doesn't mean what she knows is the whole truth, but in matters related to our immediate well-being, she has been very consistent.
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[ Carver doesn't believe it. That's beside the point, though. ]
I said what I had to. Now you know.
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Thank you for the warning. If it becomes relevant I will pass it along.
Please be careful.
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You can show Mr. Reese.
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[ They taught Matthew how to use a knife, how to fire a gun. How to aim, always, for the head. ]
Reese isn't always gonna be there.
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It's just a limitation you'll have to live with.
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I had to knife the best friend I'd ever had. Because if I hadn't, that thing waking up inside her would've killed the rest of us.
[ He misses Delaney like a wound. He always will. ]
It won't be a person anymore. Doesn't make you a murderer.
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[ And he is, with complete sincerity. ]
Believe me, I'm not passing moral judgment. But I don't want to become the person I would need to be in order to be capable of that. Myself, personally.
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I'm not threatening you. I'm trying to help you.
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[ He would rather be dead than become that person. Harold doesn't know where that would end once he went there. ]
I've been prepared to die for a long time now.
cw: gore
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Instead he finds he can only state what is true. ]
Yes. That does haunt me.
It's selfish of me, but I will not be stabbing you, or shooting you, as I will not be stabbing or shooting Mr. Reese or Ms. Shaw. At all.
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It's not a fucking person. It's just hungry and rotting and I've done some evil shit in my time but I don't actually want a plague on my soul. You get that?
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I'm sorry, but your neuroses don't trump mine. This is not a goal post I'll be moving.
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[ That's not any more rational than his personal aversion to violence, in his opinion. ]
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This is stone cold practicality, Finch.
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But do not presume to make my choices for me.
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I'm not making you do shit, Finch. I'm asking you for a favor.
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It would mean that much to you?
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I'll save a bullet for you. That's undoubtedly the most horrible thing I've ever typed and I'm going to have nightmares.
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