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[ornithologist]

Comments

[fortitudosalutis]

If I get killed here, make sure somebody puts a knife through my skull.

Or a bullet.
That'll work too

[ornithologist]

[ Never mind, he hates this favor. ]

For goodness's sake. Why would I do that?

[fortitudosalutis]

Because it'll go real bad if you don't.

[ It occurs to him, belatedly, that this probably sounds like an especially strange form of corpse desecration or maybe self-harm instead of a practicality. ]

I'm sick. From back home. And I got a feeling you've got eyes near everywhere you can manage. Get it done if I die. John can handle it if he moves fast. Shaw, too.

[ornithologist]

[ Harold has rather fewer surveillance methods than he'd like but absolutely more than he'll admit to, so he ignores that comment. He's also not going to admit he's read Carver's file and has a small inkling what he could be referring to. ]

I'm going to need more than that. Why would they need to move fast?

[fortitudosalutis]

It can take hours or it can take minutes. No way to tell.

It'll look like me. It won't be. Don't ever make that mistake.

[ornithologist]

[ Harold can't reveal he has an idea here, which means-- ]

It does you no favors to be vague in this. Please be more specific. What is it we're looking out for? Something animating your body after you die?

[ What an absurd question to ask, but based on what he's said so far, it's a reasonable assumption. ]

[fortitudosalutis]

Yeah

[ Time to be blunt, he supposes. ]

Exactly that.

[ornithologist]

Is it the head wound that's necessary?

[ God, it's so morbid. He hates it but he can push through. ]

I wonder how this would play out given death isn't permanent here. It may be worth asking Aurora.

[fortitudosalutis]

Has to go through the skull. You can do it with a knife but it takes practice. It can bounce off the bone if you don't aim it right.

[ He wouldn't expect Harold to be able to pick it up fast. Not if his corpse rose up fast and got hungry. That takes practice and steady goddamn hands. ]

Haven't asked. Rather not get quarantined. It's not something anyone can fix.

[ornithologist]

[ Well, Harold's hardly going to be the one getting his hands dirty. He doesn't consider himself less morally culpable with whatever happens under his direction, but he's realistic that he is not the person to be cracking someone's skull open post-mortem. He needs help for that. And he won't discredit Carver's very real and sensible precautions no matter how gruesome they are. ]

I see. Then a bullet is preferable.

If you haven't been quarantined already then I doubt it would happen. Aurora is aware of all of our histories. It would be negligent for them to bring you here but not have a contingency plan.

[ Which doesn't mean it's out of the question, but so far Harold has had reason to believe there's more forethought. ]

[fortitudosalutis]

That assumes she's telling the truth about any of this.

[ornithologist]

I think she's telling the truth as she knows it.

[ A statement Harold doesn't make lightly. ]

That doesn't mean what she knows is the whole truth, but in matters related to our immediate well-being, she has been very consistent.

[fortitudosalutis]

Sure, Finch.

[ Carver doesn't believe it. That's beside the point, though. ]

I said what I had to. Now you know.

[ornithologist]

[ Well, he's not going to argue it. ]

Thank you for the warning. If it becomes relevant I will pass it along.

Please be careful.

[fortitudosalutis]

I'll show you how to do it with a knife. It's hard the first time.

[ornithologist]

Please do not. Under no circumstances.

You can show Mr. Reese.

[fortitudosalutis]

You gotta be practical about this shit.

[ They taught Matthew how to use a knife, how to fire a gun. How to aim, always, for the head. ]

Reese isn't always gonna be there.

[ornithologist]

Mr. Carver, I assure you, I am not going to knife someone in the head whether they are dead or living.

It's just a limitation you'll have to live with.

[fortitudosalutis]

[ There's a long pause. Then: ]

I had to knife the best friend I'd ever had. Because if I hadn't, that thing waking up inside her would've killed the rest of us.

[ He misses Delaney like a wound. He always will. ]

It won't be a person anymore. Doesn't make you a murderer.

[ornithologist]

I'm so very sorry you had to do that.

[ And he is, with complete sincerity. ]

Believe me, I'm not passing moral judgment. But I don't want to become the person I would need to be in order to be capable of that. Myself, personally.

[fortitudosalutis]

The alternative is dying bad. It doesn't go slow, either.

I'm not threatening you. I'm trying to help you.

[ornithologist]

I realize that and I do appreciate it. But that's a risk I'm willing to take.

[ He would rather be dead than become that person. Harold doesn't know where that would end once he went there. ]

I've been prepared to die for a long time now.

cw: gore

[fortitudosalutis]

It's really not about that. You can't protect your people when your guts are hanging out.

[ornithologist]

[ He wants to say he didn't make anyone a promise of protection, that none of them are his people, but it runs hard up against the insurmountable wave of Harold's care and loyalty toward those who choose to trust him. He knows he would not ever abandon them, he knows if he were faced with this kind of choice it would be a very hard decision indeed. Yet at the same time, he's hard-pressed to explain to an outsider the kind of suicide crusade Team Machine is on, to do something good before they die but always, always, be expecting that death. It doesn't feel like such a betrayal in that light.

Instead he finds he can only state what is true. ]

Yes. That does haunt me.

It's selfish of me, but I will not be stabbing you, or shooting you, as I will not be stabbing or shooting Mr. Reese or Ms. Shaw. At all.

[fortitudosalutis]

[ There's a long pause. ]

It's not a fucking person. It's just hungry and rotting and I've done some evil shit in my time but I don't actually want a plague on my soul. You get that?